From the Desk of M.A.: Pivots

It’s been a strange day…

Today while in the process of figuring out how I am finishing “Violet Eyes” for you all (minor details really), I may have accidentally thrown myself into an existential crisis. What caused this existential crisis?

Pivotal moments in life.

Now, you are probably sitting there wondering “But wait how can pivotal moments in your life send you into such a crisis?” If you are one of those people, bless your ability not to linger. I digress; I was thinking back onto a couple of pivotal moments in my life, one in particular but that isn’t necessary to get into really. I’m standing by myself at work and I ended up thinking back while I was working on a particular task about this moment and I couldn’t help but wonder, what would have happened had I chosen differently?

Frankly I could get into the theories of the multiverse, and how there are multiple universes where I did choose differently and all of the outcomes of deciding each way. However, that’s not what happened here so is there really a point to dwelling on it?

Probably not, but that has never stopped me before.

So instead I find myself sitting here wondering what would’ve happened if in that split second I had chosen to go with my original choice. Would I still know these people? Would we still be friends, or would it saved me some of the heartache later on? Yet it doesn’t even matter. I’m still here. I’m still the person I am today because of those decisions. If I had chosen differently I likely would still be the same person with similar experiences, but instead of regretting deciding how I did I would be regretting not deciding how I actually did.

Wow, that was kind of a headache to read looking back at it. Without divulging information, just in case, talking around the details makes me sound insane and that is exactly what is going to happen if I keep dwelling on things like I do.

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