An Unrecognized Form of Catharsis

A year ago today (well technically Feb. 9th) was the anniversary of the very first chapter of For the Love of Gods. It was a very surreal moment seeing that memory appear on my facebook. For the Love of Gods, for me as a writer, was one of those projects that liked to fight me tooth and nail throughout it’s development having moments where it became so painful to write that I had to distance myself from the project as a whole for rather long periods of time.

This story itself came to be in a rather painful moment of my life. A bit dramatic I know, but anyone that I was close with during this time can vouch for the fact that I was in no way myself, nor was I a very happy person. The moment I had to distance myself from For the Love of Gods was in a moment where I realized how much of a mirror it had become. My story that I once thought was just a semi-decent idea became a very real projection of my own feelings and I found myself at one point hurting just transfering my words from physical page to digital page. From there I only allowed myself to write more to the story when it felt right. Granted I didn’t realize until writing the final chapter exactly how much of my own life I had projected into the story to make it come to life.

In the long run it began to make more and more sense where the project was headed and why it came to be in the first place. The end I find to be bittersweet, but it is very much an open door with many threads to allow it to continue on at some point (and it may actually do just that at some point), just like the life events that inspired it which may not seem like much, but heartbreak, especially your first, is a very powerful thing. I hadn’t realized until I was looking back at it now that For the Love of Gods was in every way a very effective form of catharsis for me. I had felt like I had been screwed over and kicked back down every time I felt I had made steps back to where I had been before and every time that happened there seems to be a chapter that came into existence.

The thing is now was almost too fitting for the story to come to a close. In a year I have built myself back up into a better person, I feel, than I was before. I went from having nothing a year ago to having almost everything I had wanted before this stage of my life; a dream job, an amazing network of friends and people I care for deeply and also care for me, and I will neither confirm nor deny the existence of someone who has caught my eye (soooooo dramatic). Regardless overall I am so much happier than I ever was in the last year, as my mother actually pointed out to me as I was stressing out a great deal about work. This was the end of that chapter for me and the beginning of a new, better one and I thought it a very fitting time to do so for For the Love of Gods. I guess what I am trying to say is thank you.

Thank you for sticking around long enough to see this to completion with me. Thank you for dealing with the massive breaks in updating. And thank you in particularly to those of you on the outside of this for putting up with my moody ass through out all of this, seriously I don’t know how you did it but I am so glad that you did.

– M. A. Connell


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