This is for the boy who told me he loved me everyday. I always laughed in the sort of way that made it seem like I thought you were kidding. Honestly I thought you were.
I’m so sorry.
Now, for all I know, that boy was serious and I…I laughed in his face. For all I know I laughed at what I believed was a joke, because how could it have been anything more than a cruel joke? I’ve always had low self-esteem so everyone laugh at the chubby girl who thinks the boy is serious when he says “You know what? I love you.”
This is for the boy who broke my heart. Not because he left. No, because after so many years it only took a week to forget me. This is for the boy who made me wonder if he even cared at all. Shattered me into a thousand pieces because I couldn’t be sure anymore, and there are some of those pieces still missing even now, though I’m a better person because of it. But this is also for the same boy, because before all of that he made me realize that someone could want me for everything I was.
This is for the boy.
Because the boy has taught me a lot over the years.
This is for the man.
The man who found me at a strange point in life when I was just remembering who I was. He was the one who, despite all of that, still kept me around. This is for the man who calls me out on my bullshit when I forget that the world does not revolve around me. The one who will tell me that I am “good people” even when I feel like I’m not. The one who sees me at my worst, but will still accept me when I apologize for being so much to handle, because I know I can be and I appreciate the ones who try to handle it. This is for the man who makes me smile when I need it most, even if he doesn’t know. Who’s jokes aren’t great, but they make me laugh nonetheless.
This is for the man who reminds me that even if our paths are not meant to continue together that there are so many like him. The ones who will keep me grounded, make me laugh and treat me like I matter like I make them matter. This man means the world to me, and I am thankful everyday that he fell ass-backwards into my life. You’ve made me a better person. This is for you…
And this is for the boy.